Make Her Famous

Military men have this distasteful habit of sharing nude photos of women who they feel have done them wrong. It's often in a texting chain, and titled, "Make Her Famous", with only a picture of the naked woman. The other men may not even know who the woman is, who she supposedly wronged, or how many others have already seen it; they absent-minded forward it to everyone they know in the military before even looking at the picture themselves. Another way that military men share pictures is when they're deployed, it's called a "Dear John" or other-named wall in which actual printed pictures are posted. Oftentimes, the higher ranking people are not aware of where it is (as it's encouraged or acceptable), and yet it exists at every deployed area.

Now, these men have plenty of access to porn and pictures, both in and out of the workplace. "They aren’t about naked girls; there are plenty of those who are on the internet consensually. It’s about hating women, taking enjoyment in seeing them violated, and harming them... , usually with the complicity of someone they trusted. The whole point is to humiliate, but not just to humiliate; to violate." (http://yesmeansyesblog.wordpress.com/2013/01/29/revenge-porn-and-the-women-humiliation-industry/). These were women who trusted their partners with photos. Being intimate alone with someone requires trust, and yet sending them a picture requires even more trust for many (myself included).  And the forced separation from military men, for whatever reason, lends itself to more nude photo transfers than most couples (at least in my experience).

Now in the blog, Yes Means Yes, it is argued that this is mostly true of women, "because as a society we don’t think it’s inherently degrading or humiliating for men to have sex. Despite the fact that large numbers of women watch porn, there are apparently not large numbers of women who find sexual gratification in publicly shaming and demeaning men they’ve slept with." The blog also shed a new perspective to me in that: "We have a society with a tremendous tolerance for coercion and people can sit around thinking up all the times when it might be okay for someone to be sexualized against their will...[but] we’re better off starting from the proposition that sexualizing the unwilling is always a sexual assault before we entertain questions of intent and mistake and exception."

And it is true, these women are not allowing the men they trusted to forward their pictures to serve as a "warning: stay away" to the other guys, most often they are not even aware that their pictures are being viewed so publicly, and in a negative and hostile way. Revenge porn and celebrity-caught-photos do  the same thing-share a visual that they are not agreeing to. Anne Hathaway was quoted in two blogs recently (both blogs are mentioned in this blog) that: "I'm sorry that we live in a culture that commodifies sexuality of unwilling participants."

What's odd about the whole military men showing nude women photos is that they are (as a whole) incredibly quick to share their own cock photos with a new partner (or one that they barely even know, or heck, haven't even met). I would think that they would be more cautious, or untrusting, of sharing. And perhaps it isn't as shameful for the man's picture to shown in our society, or that they trust that women won't humiliate, because they most often don't.

But I know of a group of women who do. Because military men are so eager to share photos of their male parts, this group of women share it with the phone number, only if the men give an unsolicited penis picture. The girls will then critique his penis and let him know what they think. The argument being, "because if the man wanted to have his penis seen so bad, then they help him." An example I was given was:

Male: How's your pizza? Here's my penis! (Yep, sadly that's all it takes for some (military) men.)

First woman: one word: manscaping

Another woman: why do men always take pictures from on the toilet? You couldn't take it somewhere romantic like...like the garbage dump?

Perhaps these men don't mind as much because, "men’s shame usually centers on not appearing weak while women’s shame often revolves around not being perfect," (http://www.charlieglickman.com/2013/01/what-revenge-porn-tells-us-about-sex-and-humiliation). These pictures do not necessarily make the man feel weak, at least, not until this group of women send back comments, and possibly not even then. This line may seem blurrier as far as betraying trust, because the women didn't ask or even want the pictures, but the sharing of them to someone other than the intended  recipient is still about humiliating and violating; women are not above this.

YesMeans Yes ponders,  "if the culture tells my kids that it’s hot and exciting to violate a woman’s boundaries with a camera, what lesson will they take about violating a woman’s body with a body"? Charlie Glickman suggests, "but maybe it’s time that we take a look at how many ways we create a culture in which their behavior is simply a more extreme version of some behaviors that we don’t even notice anymore".  We are certainly a culture that views private parts "private", gets a thrill out of catching a celebrity unknowingly revealing more than intended, and constantly creating new sites for the "revenge" pictures and/or porn.  I am not sure of a solution. An adult trusting pictures of themselves to a lover is very different than a person knowingly and acceptingly posting or publishing pictures of themselves; and there is no shame - regardless of what a person looks like (body image is another topic for another day) - to publicly and willingly share. But to use the images for malicious intent, or to share if it is someone other than you or not given explicit permission, is an absolute harmful violation. I know that previous partners' pictures I've either destroyed, given back, or still hold privately for only my viewing pleasure. Certainly, that is part of the solution.  And to not feed/buy into the sensationalism of magazines, websites, other media who thrive on the commodity of an unwilling participant, demonstrates that it's unacceptable.  

As for my military man? He deletes the pictures forwarded  to him, at least not perpetuating the problem. It's a small step, but most movements begin with a small step (take the sex blogging community sharing the recent plagiarism/copyright issue with another blogger).

Pride cometh before a fall

There it was, laying in tatters at my feet. I didn't know how I was reduced to this... I didn't know how I had gotten myself in this position. Or maybe I did.

I was ready to beg him; no, plead. I was ready and more than willing to make a deal with the devil to have all of him, and yet be consumed. There were so many things that he, this man, held that I wanted. I wanted his love and desire. I wanted his heart and his mind. I wanted him in my mouth.

There I lay, trussed up, on my back, on my bed. Wearing rope as lovely as silk garments, seeing his dick, throbbing hard in front of my face and I was consumed with want of it. I wanted to feel it slide past my lips, I wanted to taste the very essence of him. I wanted to have him fuck me senseless and with a fierceness to match my own.

His compliment, "You look lovely right now" as tears course down my face, I'm bound and helpless, my ass glowing red from the punishment it has just received.

My plea, "please".

"Please".

So much meaning and passion raging behind one simple word. I was screaming with this one word: "here is my pride, my heart, my being! Take it! It is yours. My will, my control, take it!"

"You've been a good girl, I suppose I should reward you..." He lovingly runs his hand along my tear stained cheek then finally let's me capture my prize with my mouth. Watering, waiting to taste. It is finally mine. It is worth it. The wait, the teasing. He knows how to drive me to peaks and push me right to the edge. Just when I am about to fall, to crack, to break, he catches me and soothes me and brings me fulfillment.

I get what I want that day. All of it. I was filled with him in my mouth, I was turned over and thrust into release. I more fully captured his heart and while I may have been bound and he in control, he was now bound to me more firmly than before.

I have no need of pride in the face of such things, and I more than willingly give it up.

Wicked Wednesday

TMI Tuesday: Titles

1. Describe your or a lover’s penis with a movie title.
Deep Impact, Big Daddy
I couldn't choose just one. The only thing about the second title is that "daddy" is never a term that I can think in. But when I think of him, I think of the size. Seriously, the first time I saw him, I was concerned, and intimadated. Now I love the feeling of fulfillment, and will tell him when he needs to take it easy, start slower, or not as deep.  To avoid hurting me, we have a rule that both of us can't be drunk, or we can only have sex in a certain position if we're both drinking (which never happens, but it's a good plan).

2. Describe your pussy or a lover’s pussy with a movie title.
 Little Box of Sweets
Well, it's hard to not think of myself and think of the adjective "little" considering that I am overall small.  And I taste delicious.

3. Describe your last sexual encounter with a song title.
"I've Been Loving You Too Long" Otis Redding
I kept begging him to cum, but it was a night where that just wasn't happening. Meanwhile, I delighted in so many orgasms that it became surreal-and exhausting. There were moments when I forgot to breathe and he had to remind me. It was ridiculous, and amazing.

4. Describe your body with a song title.
"Flesh for Fantasy" Billy Idol
My lover's favorite part is my hourglass figure, but I don't know of a title that contains that word (just googled it, there are several). But even as much as I appreciate my curves, I love my entire body - it allows me to feel glorious things. My skin can get so sensitive after orgasm (like last night), and I relish in touch and sensations.

5. Describe your sexual appetite with a book, song, or movie title.
"Always on my Mind" Pet Shop Boys
My male friends say that I "think like a man"; clearly they don't read too many blogs or get to know the ladies of this community. I have a fixation with sex, and unless I'm working or totally engaged in another task, I am thinking about sex, and my lover, and all the things we have done or could do.

Bonus: Recommend your favorite sexy, sensual or kink oriented book.
I just finished Just Watch Me and am now reading Dirty Girls: Erotica for Women

TMI Tuesday How to play: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Revealing

Finally, one of us is revealed! As I dance around to cook breakfast.

 

Sinful Sunday

Morale officer

I didn't mean to become their Morale officer... Seriously, it was unintentional.

In military lingo, a "Morale officer" is a woman who has sexual relations with the unit... THE WHOLE UNIT.

Now, it wasn't as bad as all that, however I did sleep my way through their enlisted command structure, just in time for deployment.

It was a complete, sexy, lascivious accident. When Ex and I broke up, we had been together for almost 6 years... OF COURSE I HAD A SLUT FEST! My sex life with Ex was horrible. It rarely happened, there was no foreplay, and we had premature ejaculation problems that we never did work around. That was a glaring deficit in our relationship.

I first met One right after I decided I could no longer be in my relationship. It was a hard choice to make and took a very long time to make it. I was depressed, downtrodden, and completely lost. One night I went out with a girlfriend and we saw a man she knew. He was 6'8 to my 5 ft and exuded sex. There really wasn't a question about where I was going that night. In fact, my friend arranged everything because all I could do was stare and fantasize.  After 6 years, going home with One was like being a teenager again.

One of the things that frustrated me about my previous sex life was that Ex always treated me like I was breakable, when all I wanted was to be manhandled. I could tell instantly, One didn't think I was breakable and if he did then he wanted me to shatter. He tossed me around like a rag doll, made me do what HE wanted, and if I said "ow" he ignored it unless I asked him to stop... I didn't ask him to stop much. The sex was incredible and lasted forever. Round after round of virile foreplay, sex, breath, repeat. I went home with some small bruises and a huge grin. He was just what I needed at the time and helped me reclaim my own sexuality.

After a time I started dating again and I met this great guy Two. We spent a lot of time together having fun, drinking with friends, and acting young. Then I finally took him to bed....That was the end of that relationship. At one point during the sex I wanted to tell him to put his pants back on, and for God's sake stop making that noise! After evaluating my 6 year relationship I decided I would never compromise on sex again.

Two had introduced my best friend Ava to one of his friends, so while I was no longer seeing Two I was seeing his friend regularly with Ava. We'd all go out and different people would join our group. That's how I was introduced me to Staff Sargent (truly, that's all I knew him by). Rawr. The man was a glorious package of wit, rippling muscle, and rock hard desire. He tied me to my bed with my satin ties and worked my body over for hours. When he finally untied me I rode him hard and had orgasm after orgasm. We broke my bed that night. It was casual sex at it's finest and I wouldn't take it back for the world.

Ava and her man got along pretty well so he was a recurring part of our lives for a few months. Their relationship was casual, but ongoing. While his unit was getting ready for deployment the amount of time spent out increased. The ladies of my group had no complaint about joining in the fun. We were all out enjoying the entertainment to be had at one of or local stripclubs when I met The Boot. The term "Boot" is used in a derogatory way by more seasoned veterans about people who have just graduated from boot camp.

The kid was 19, had graduated boot camp the week prior, and was going on a very dangerous deployment, with no experience or time in the unit,  the following week. He also apparently had a huge crush on me. Ava's friend broached the subject with me and I told him that if The Boot wanted to talk to me then he should, you know, talk. I was advised candidly: "go easy on him, he's probably not coming back from this deployment. He's either going to get killed, or get someone else killed."
... Uh.

I had no idea how to respond to that especially after I had this adorable young guy so shyly try to start a conversation and pick up an older, more seasoned woman who would probably eat him alive in bed.
I did the only thing I could do.

I rocked that young Boot's world so hard he couldn't walk straight. I blew him until his knees went out, I asked about his fantasies and immediately went about trying to fulfill as many as I could. You want to bring a vibrator into bed? Go for it! On top  on bottom, in front of the mirror, pull my hair, smack my ass until it's glowing red? Sure thing! He was young, inexperienced, and not the best lay I'd had. If not for their deployment, I probably wouldn't have brought him home. How though, could I have said no? It didn't hurt anyone, and at least this way he was leaving with an incredible night to remember when stuck out there for months.

The day before they were set to deploy Ava and I ran into her man at the club. We also ran into One from months before. They were together...they were in the same unit. Along with Staff Sargent and The Boot and Two....

Shit. Shit, shit, shit. No one knew. And it was only then that even I realized I had slept with FOUR men in the same UNIT. While it may have been over the course of 6 months, during the course of their 6 months deployment the chances were zero that they wouldn't all figure out that I had slept my way down their command structure.

Sure enough, upon their return I found out that everyone knew. I was the units' Morale Officer. Everyone just kind of found it humorous, and in fact a couple of them asked for return visits; I declined. Now whenever some hot military man in this town approaches me, there's a tiny voice in the back of my head praying he's not with this particular unit. When it has happened, I decline developing a relationship. Let me be a legend then, of a deployment, that had a few men a bit more relaxed before they left.

The surf

I go in waves with my sexual desire.

Now, keep in mind I want it at least once a day every day, but sometimes I want it NOW NOW NOW, all day long. I've been the girl that sent the text saying: "I've been up for 3 hours and I've already gotten off 5 times... I love my new vibrator!"

I've also had days where I just don't really feel like anything. It always seems to be a block of days for each though.

I'm curious if everyone is like this?

I do know I binge on sex when I get a new partner. It's like, "you mean I can finally have sex!" I've constantly had to warn partners that they will not be able to keep up with me and that's ok. I'll be disappointed and pout, but just as long as they're willing to at least try, we'll be ok.

For some reason every man sees this as a challenge. Then after a day, maybe two, they admit defeat. Truly, no one CAN keep up. I understand the cause of this wave: it's a new toy, all pretty and shiny, of course I want to play with him. And I do settle down, as long as I get to see him regularly, and have sex on those occasions, I'll settle into 3 times a day instead of three times an hour. However, outside of this cause, there are many other times I go through these waves with no discernable pattern.

Perhaps something I'll have to start taking notice of more closely. I'd definitely like to hear other's opinions...

Wicked Wednesday

Verb Tenses

I am educated. And yet when I try to compose these blogs, my verb tenses switch. I am aware of it long after the fact.

I think my issue is that I am remembering (and how lucky am I that it's not fiction?!) and imagining it again so vividly that it seems to be my present moment. As frustrating as it is to my verbs, it's so pleasant to relieve and relish , so much so that I can turn myself on just in the recollection.

I will endeavor to work on my verbs, and my lover will continue to work on giving me the material.