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Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Let's watch a movie

That's right. We've all heard it, in fact, we have all probably said it at some point. Online dating has taught me a thing or two about the classic lines people passively use for "Let's have sex".
The most prolific of our offenders:

1) "Let's watch a movie"
Let's watch a movie is such a commonly used statement that even the most novice person on the dating scene knows it's merely code for "let's have a movie playing in the background while we have awkward, groping couch sex".

2) "Why don't I cook you dinner at my place, maybe have a bottle of wine..."
This is the classy way of saying "I want to lure your to my house with promises of a meal, then get you pleasantly buzzed before I cajole you into my lair, where we have sex."
Moscato is a gateway drug to bad food and sex!

3) "We can just hang out at my place, get to know each other..."
This one isn't even just blatantly obvious, it's cheap too! Dude, if you want me to come knock boots after hardly knowing you, at least fork over the couple bucks for Red Box!

There are a lot more examples of these euphemisms for let's have hot steamy casual sex, but it seems like, with the false courage people are getting from the variety provided by the internet, even a simple dinner out leads to expectations.

I'm sorry, simply because you paid for my meal doesn't mean I OWE you, and even if I like you, if you assume we're hooking up I am then forced to disappoint my inner slut and shut you down.
It's become such a common trend on my dating sites that I even posted a joke about people's unrealistic dating expectations on the internet:

"Sorry boys, I don't believe in anal on the first date"

Because truly, the assumption of sex on a first date is as unrealistic as the assumption that I'm going to believe you when you say you're packing 9 inches...


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11 comments:

  1. My dating experience is non-existant, but I did get lured to my wife's flat as a student for sex. She said she had computer problems, demanded oral and then sent me away as she had work to do! :)

    I thought another one was "Let's go see xyz at the theatre; it's really good. Oh, and would you believe it, it's on at a place just down the road from me!" :)

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  2. The catch-phrase for me was, "Do you want a back-rub?" Even when I was in my dry-humping stage that was a well known entry because it got us touching each other and we were able to get past those first few awkward moments of exploration.

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  3. well come on over so we can get to know each other over a movie and I will cook for ya...lmao!
    Eesh even I am not that lame. Though my best friend had the best line ever at a bar. He would walk up to a hot girl and say "So do you want to fuck or do I owe you and apology?" That ass got more tail that the rest of us put together, but he did get his face slapped a time or two.
    Great post

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  4. See all of this is stuff I am so glad I didn't have to worry about. I was usually the leader in my youth and now well now I still am lol..

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  5. There are no one size fits all type of line.
    You just have to customize your line to each woman.
    Asking for sex in the 1st meeting is always stressful.

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  6. Ha! I flew across the pond for a first date, we were in the hotel room fucking within 2 hrs of my plane landing but you know what, he never ever assumed anything

    Mollyxxx

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  7. I was one of those girls who believed a guy if he said we were going to watch a movie and then was surprised (sometimes unpleasantly so) that he meant we were going to have sex. Yep, I was a bit dumb at times, I guess. Master T never assumed anything about me and our first dates never was about sex, but about getting to know each other better :)

    Rebel xox

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  8. One of my partners got hinky whenever I asked to 'just cuddle' because in his experience it was wife-code for 'have sex now'. Whereas for me 'just cuddle' meant 'just cuddle' and 'let's fuck' meant 'let's fuck'. Took a while to sort out that one!

    xx Dee

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  9. Omg, we have heard them all. I don't fall for that anymore. That's for sure. I don't even do the dating scene these days anymore. I have tried and it all leads to "let's have sex". I am so over it.

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  10. These are exactly the kind of social cues I miss, as I just take them at face value... then again, I don't really put myself out there to hear those lines in the first place :s

    ~Kazi xxx

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  11. LOL... all of this. So much yes. Nice post.

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