The things no one tells you...

I'm pretty experienced. I've always loved to experiment and I've been through it all, almost. Anything I haven't done though, is usually covered by other bloggers, just waiting for my inquiring mind. This is great because it gives you confidence going into it...

But it seems, there's always some things people never talk about.... the "not as pretty" realities of sex.

First thing no one told me:

The delayed downpour:

So just got done with a steamy romp with a partner you trust enough to be condom free huh? Being handed a towel to clean up is awesome and courteous and a quick wipe down and you're good...

But then you STAND up. About 15 seconds later the flood comes and you're waddling as quickly as 

you can to the ladies, hoping it doesn't reach your ankles before you get there.

Lesson number 2: no, you AREN'T a gymnast.

Think the kamasutra has nothing on you, huh? Sure, you can get into all of those positions with ease...

Ever think to stretch first? I've learned now if I want crazy sex I need to sneak away to stretch first after a harrowing incident in which my hip popped out and I had to punch my partner to get him off because the pain was blinding.

Moral: limber up.

Lesson 3: what control?

As seen in my anal trilogy, you think you have things under control and then you take the dick out and WHAM, one deep breath and you're paying gas. See your muscles get stretched out and your iron control is non-existent.

Lesson 4: cum farts?

Yeah. Those are a thing. I know, gross, right? No one talks about those. You dabble in the world of anal and think you're a rock star... then someone cums in your ass and you think you've cleaned up...

Until an hour later, when no one is home and you have to fart. It's not pretty. It's awful to think of, but I think it's worse to have it unexpectedly happen to you.

Lesson 5: fishing in the dark

So you just got done with your sexy romp. You're both sweaty, sated, and enjoying those last few moments connected. But don't wait too long! As his body goes back to normal, your body might decide to keep a rubbery memento... once the condom gets stuck inside the game of paper, rock, scissors over who has to fish out the party favor is always awkward!

Sex is awesome, but there are some awkward, messy, weird and crazy things that go along with it. 

Comment and tell me some of your pro tips.

Also, see who is talking dirty, and probably more of the pleasant kind...