The Dirty Normal discussed simultaneous orgasms as "nearly always requires that you both be fully present, attuned, and connected with your partner RIGHT NOW, RIGHT HERE, eyes open, hearts open, lights on, clothes off, breathing and connected, locked into each other, together, now, US."
I agree with parts of this, and don't others. My partner achieves simultaneous orgasms roughly 90% of the time.
Yes, my partner, and not me. I am capable of multiple orgasms, averaging (thank you Orgasm Race to showing me this) three orgasms per session; I've not met a man who has multiple orgasms, and therefore have never been joined for multiples. Most of the time, by the third orgasm, I am physically exhausted and make sure that he joins me on that ride to the top of three.
I agree with the Dirty Normal in that both of us, to attain an orgasm together, are present in the moment (one of the few times I am), attuned and connected to each other's body language. He reads my body's cues, or the "don't stop, right there" words I say (okay, let's face it, he probably relies more on the verbal cues), and moves accordingly - normally exactly as I've told him to. He feels me tightening with my orgasms, which requires him to be present enough and attuned to feel that connection between his penis and my vagina wall muscles. The tightening around his shaft is normally what pushes him over the edge towards his own climax. And usually the more orgasms I have, the stronger and easier they become, and the less control I have over them - which may be another reason we average three - he's already resisted being pleased with the first two.
But, I mostly control when he cums. It comes in handy when I want a quickie, it comes in handy for faking an orgasm (yes, I've been guilty of this a time or two, but only with new partners who lack self-confidence). I can control my muscles, squeeze him (I've read the term milking-not sure how I feel about that one). It increases my own pleasure; it speeds up his.
Now granted, if he wasn't attuned to me - say he was thinking about what to have for dinner later, then no matter what I do, it may not matter.
As for "eyes open" that just doesn't happen for me. And I can honestly say that I have no idea if any of my lovers have had their eyes open - I don't keep mine open. When it starts to feel good, I close my eyes, cut out the visual stimulation, and just feel. My eyes always being closed hasn't stopped simultaneous orgasms yet. And the lights could be off or on, for him or for me.
"Hearts open" is another one that (at least I) don't need. As much as it bothers my partners, I don't feel emotional when I have sex, they are two separate entities for me. I lived with a man for three years, had the most amazing sex, and didn't fall in love with him (but it wasn't for lack of trying). I've still managed these orgasms with that partner. Of course, I'd like to think that simultaneous orgasms are "more special" with someone I love, everything is more special when it is spent with a loved one. But I am a capable of timing the orgasms without emotional attachment.
As for the breathing, I've read some articles on how couples should play with breathing as an exercise to feel connected - same kind of exercise as to touch without sex, massage without being sensual, etc.. I haven't tried these, I would honestly feel like laughing the whole time, but one day when I mature more perhaps I can give these things a go.
And of course, some may argue that these orgasms wasn't what The Dirty Normal intended, as they are manipulated at times, but even when I don't consciously do anything to have simultaneous orgasms, I do tighten in my own pleasure which pleases him - regardless of the circumstances of our connection.