The Dirty Normal discussed simultaneous orgasms as "nearly always requires that you both be fully present, attuned, and connected with your partner RIGHT NOW, RIGHT HERE, eyes open, hearts open, lights on, clothes off, breathing and connected, locked into each other, together, now, US."
I agree with parts of this, and don't others. My partner achieves simultaneous orgasms roughly 90% of the time.
Yes, my partner, and not me. I am capable of multiple orgasms, averaging (thank you Orgasm Race to showing me this) three orgasms per session; I've not met a man who has multiple orgasms, and therefore have never been joined for multiples. Most of the time, by the third orgasm, I am physically exhausted and make sure that he joins me on that ride to the top of three.
I agree with the Dirty Normal in that both of us, to attain an orgasm together, are present in the moment (one of the few times I am), attuned and connected to each other's body language. He reads my body's cues, or the "don't stop, right there" words I say (okay, let's face it, he probably relies more on the verbal cues), and moves accordingly - normally exactly as I've told him to. He feels me tightening with my orgasms, which requires him to be present enough and attuned to feel that connection between his penis and my vagina wall muscles. The tightening around his shaft is normally what pushes him over the edge towards his own climax. And usually the more orgasms I have, the stronger and easier they become, and the less control I have over them - which may be another reason we average three - he's already resisted being pleased with the first two.
But, I mostly control when he cums. It comes in handy when I want a quickie, it comes in handy for faking an orgasm (yes, I've been guilty of this a time or two, but only with new partners who lack self-confidence). I can control my muscles, squeeze him (I've read the term milking-not sure how I feel about that one). It increases my own pleasure; it speeds up his.
Now granted, if he wasn't attuned to me - say he was thinking about what to have for dinner later, then no matter what I do, it may not matter.
As for "eyes open" that just doesn't happen for me. And I can honestly say that I have no idea if any of my lovers have had their eyes open - I don't keep mine open. When it starts to feel good, I close my eyes, cut out the visual stimulation, and just feel. My eyes always being closed hasn't stopped simultaneous orgasms yet. And the lights could be off or on, for him or for me.
"Hearts open" is another one that (at least I) don't need. As much as it bothers my partners, I don't feel emotional when I have sex, they are two separate entities for me. I lived with a man for three years, had the most amazing sex, and didn't fall in love with him (but it wasn't for lack of trying). I've still managed these orgasms with that partner. Of course, I'd like to think that simultaneous orgasms are "more special" with someone I love, everything is more special when it is spent with a loved one. But I am a capable of timing the orgasms without emotional attachment.
As for the breathing, I've read some articles on how couples should play with breathing as an exercise to feel connected - same kind of exercise as to touch without sex, massage without being sensual, etc.. I haven't tried these, I would honestly feel like laughing the whole time, but one day when I mature more perhaps I can give these things a go.
And of course, some may argue that these orgasms wasn't what The Dirty Normal intended, as they are manipulated at times, but even when I don't consciously do anything to have simultaneous orgasms, I do tighten in my own pleasure which pleases him - regardless of the circumstances of our connection.
very interesting, I would say that it sometimes helps some guys when their woman fakes it...until the guy figures it out. Sorry for keying in on that but it led to one of the biggest arguments I have ever had with a lover.ReplyDelete
As for cumming at the same time, it is awesome.
I wish you both many fun filled pleasurable activities. Keep it cumming ;)
We are much the same...I, too, and multi-orgasmic...and Mr. LL does a damn good job of getting as many out of me as possible before he comes. He can hold out forever. But, I do think the ones where we both come together are more intense. Something about feeling your own when you know he's coming too is just mind-blowing.ReplyDelete
We sometimes feel very lucky that we experience simultaneous orgasms 99% of the time without any apparent effort. We also usually close our eyes, but it is an intense moment to decide beforehand to try and look into each other's eyes as we come.ReplyDelete
S and I have found that we normally both make each other increasingly sensitive and unintentionally tend to keep each other on the edge, until one of us comes. Occasionally though, it happens for both of us at the same time, which is amazing and makes me feel very blissed out. I do keep my eyes shut though, keeping them open would be weird!ReplyDelete
The key to simultaneous climax for me is patience, breathing exercises and distraction. My partner takes a while to get going which is fine with me. i love the foreplay, the touching, the toys, the look on her face as she gets closer and closer. Unlike many of the women I read about in blogland, my wife is "one and done" but that "one" is usually pretty good.ReplyDelete
If we want to cum together, I have to edge her a couple of times and then then get in position for myself without breaking her build-up. When it works, it's a mixed bag, sometimes she gets so sensitive at orgasm that the intensity of my thrusting, as i begin to cum, is too much and it tips from really good to really bad in mere seconds. If her orgasm is a deep throbbing kind, instead of the clit-focused high energy kind, then it feel really good for us both.
We enjoy it when it happens, but we don't worry about it if it doesn't. I love focusing on her pleasure and it allows me to give her 100% of my attention, then she does the same for me. i'm not complaining either way.
I love when we cum at the same time. Its has only happened a few times, but it's always so beautiful.ReplyDelete
I also have not met a man who can have multiple O's. I would LOVE to.
We also frequently have simultaneous orgasms and just like you, I can pretty much control the moment. Just like you, I don't have my eyes open. When I am not trying for simultaneous orgasms, they sometimes happen anyway when I feel His cock pulsating against my inside walls.ReplyDelete
Nice insightful piece, and also love to see that the orgasm race has been useful for you too ;)
Simultaneous orgasms rarely happen for us, but so fantastic when they do.ReplyDelete
You are so lucky to be able to achieve these with your partners.
I rarely have multiple orgasms one on top another. There is nearly always a gap in between. We do cum together though, fairly often. I too disagree with the eye's open thing, that is not necessary for me either. For us I think it is about knowing each other well and also timing. Sometimes the timing works and sometimes it doesn't but actually I quite like it when I get to cum first, which nearly always happens as it makes me more sensitive to actually feeling his orgasm when he does cumReplyDelete
I'm able to have simultaneous orgasms fairly frequently mostly because I can orgasm more than once in a session. I might come once, and then come again when he comes. I think you can make it work if only one of you is very in tune because, like you said, you can at times control when someone else comes. If I can tell when he's going to come and can ramp up my own arousal at the same pace, it works out pretty well. It is also the knowledge of "they're going to come" that can help sync it up sometimes.ReplyDelete
Cumming at the same time is brilliant but not a common occurrence for me. However, it is a delight when it happens.ReplyDelete